embarrassed.

this blog embarrasses me. the last time i wrote was in august. and while my life doesn't change that frequently, it does change occasionally and i probably should keep my loyal readers on my toes. :) there are two things i have come to realize recently. one. life sometimes just sucks (what? it does.) two. but we have the MOST amazing father in Heaven that guides us, comforts us, brings us peace, and delivers us from harm. and i am so unbearably greatful.

i joined a group at my church that is such an amazing testament to God's glory. I walk in the room and feel so much peace and love and i am so thankful for that. i joined this at just the right time in my life. because, as mentioned before, life just sometimes really sucks. but them i remember how much God is in control of my life.

in a book that we are reading, one of the most powerful sentences to me said, "trust me my child," says God, "i have your ultimate GOOD in mind." it says good...not bad, ugly, cruddy, etc. and i think this statement every single day. HE has his ultimate good in mind for ME. little ol me. WHAT?! it makes me think of how a parent loves a child. and its UNCONDITIONAL. and just like that my Heavenly Father loves me in the same way. how humbling and amazing is that?!

so...on nights like tonight where i had to escape my house for even a few minutes and take a walk (i walked to the calves), i remember, you know what, it's NOT for me to worry about, but for my most precious Heavenly Father. HE will take care of me.

i am really going to try to post more often. my life has been going 100 mph and i am BARELY hanging on, but REMEMBER....GOD IS IN CONTROL. and THAT my friends, is OK.

Love You All!
molly

Def Leppard ROCKS

hello loyal pals,

i just (well not just, but you get the idea) got back from the def leppard concert in abq. SOOOO FREAKIN AWESOME! i had a blast with the girls and the concert (s) were GREAT!!! cheap trick, poison, and def leppard = awesomeness!

happy pills = happy life

hi friends...(my two).

i started back on the happy pills. and i am a MUCH nicer person. it really is quite amazing. remember a few posts back, i discussed how i had gotten off of them? well that last about...1 week. and my love and i decided that i really needed them. i am just not ready to have these full blown emotions EVERY day of my life. i literally cried EVERY SINGLE DAY. so...with that said, i went back to the drugs. hugs and drugs. that is my motto.

on another note, my love and i are starting grief counseling tomorrow. it's time. i have been ready for awhile, and finally he is also. so we talked to our pastor and his wife, and we will start tomorrow. i will let my faithful followers (all two of you) know how it goes. i am pretty excited about it actually. ESPECIALLY for my love.

have i mentioned that i am a step mom? well, i am...and the boys come home next week. i am SO pumped...i have missed them SOOOOO dang much. i just want to hug them all the time. i think we will start some traditions this school year...like slumber parties every friday night that they are with us...and stuff like that. it will be fun. and i need to show how much i love and appreciate them.

okay. that enough. for now friends....piiah!

molly

tired...

i am SOOOOO dang tired. this past weekend was dairyfest, and man, i am STILL trying to catch up from being run into the ground. but, talk about successful! it was amazing. we had over 9,000 people in attendance and all went pretty well. i only had to get in two little scuffles...one because some guys didnt want to pay the 1$ entrance fee....ONE DOLLAR. come on. two because a woman was making off with one of our milk cartons. and she popped some tood. SOOOOO i sicked my personal security gaurds on her. HAHA. good times.

anywho. it was a blast, and i cant wait for next year...we are already planning :)

man...

okay, so heres the deal. this weekend was rough. seriously. this weekend i became an aunt...not for reals, but for fakes. my best friend (julie margaret) had my little nephew, tylan james on friday, june 12. and boy (he is one)...let me tell you...PRECIOUS. sooo on sunday, i made the trek over to his home town to spend some quality time with him and his precious momla.

but now, i suppose is a good time to explain why it was difficult. on april 20th, i had a precious baby girl, haevyn baisley. and here i am crying. anywho. haevyn was stillborn on the 20th...but actually died on the 18th (in utero). the doctors have decided that she slipped into the cord sometime around the 18th (this is when she stopped growing) and this is why she died.

and it's weird, because i am SO happy for julie and jeff (the pops), but i am so sad for me and my love. and i can't really explain it. it is almost like a jealousy thing...and i am seriously trying not to be jealous, because that is selfish, but i can't help it. after all, i was supposed to have a precious baby girl right now, in my arms...and i don't.

so, that is where i am at. today is a rough day. OH...and did i mention, i quit taking my happy pills? that is contributing to my emotional wreck state...but i feel like i need to have emotions. i haven't had real ones since haevyn's funeral, and for me to be able to release, i need them. so i made an executive decision and i stopped taking them. NOW...we will see how much of a basket case i become...and if it is extreme (i will keep you posted), i will start them back up.

now, let me post some pics...maybe...

New

Hi to all! I don't really know how to blog...so this is going to be new for me. They probably won't always be very formal, but to start I will make one formal...like appropriate letters caps and punctuation in the right places.

I have decided to start blogging (again) because of my life experiences. Recently I was asked by my dear friend Abby if I blogged and I told her that I did...but hadn't in awhile. She pressured me into starting again, and after I thought about it, it was laid on my heart that I should blog. I have a lot to share and I want to share with everyone. That, AND it helps me to write...I feel better or good, so here I am.

Probably tomorrow (or next week actually because I am going out of town tomorrow) I will start at the beginning of my story (April 20, 2009) so those of you that don't know about me, will have some clue as to why I am writing for release. So...be patient.

I am excited for my friends and family to start being involved in my life in more ways then one and look forward to getting comments from my peeps.

For now, I am off to get my nails done. :)

BTW--I Tweet on Twitter. I am pretty sure that my name is moosmith...it is...I just looked myself up :)